Ray Finlay

As I looked down at my right hand, swollen and irritated, and then up at my reflection — my face red and puffy — I frowned. What was going on within my body? What was it trying to tell me?

Then the voice of my guide, Alexander, came through as clear as a bell.

“You suffer from Healer’s Burden — systemic and chronic inflammation because you refuse to give to yourself as you give to others. You neglect your own temple for the sake of others.”

He pressed on.

“You take the easier path — the one that lets you function just enough to keep serving others — but you ignore yourself. You repress the trauma you carry, push down emotions you deem ‘not good or saintly,’ and keep driving forward like a car with the brake on and the dashboard lights screaming for your attention.”

Gee, talk about getting told off. I stood there, shocked and slightly perplexed. I had no idea what systemic inflammation even was — and, for the record, I don’t know how to drive a car… but judging by Alexander’s tone, driving with the brake on and warning lights flashing probably wasn’t a good thing.

(Maybe it’s a call from the universe to finally learn to drive?)

In an attempt to lighten the mood, I said, “Well, my inflammation may be chronic, but at least my boobs are iconic.”

Thankfully, my guides share my sense of humor.

Later, a quick Google search confirmed that systemic inflammation is definitely not conducive to good health. And honestly, I could see exactly how I’d brought this experience upon myself — through my thoughts, words, and deeds.

Alexander was right. I’d chosen the easy way, time and again. I kept pushing through everyday life, trying to serve others to the best of my ability — but always at the cost of myself.

One thing I pride myself on is my ability to hold healing space for others. But now, through the warning lights of my own body, I could clearly see how poorly I held space for my own healing.

Toxic food. Toxic thoughts. Toxic substances. I pushed them through my body to push down my own emotions, to quell my anxiety, to extinguish the fire raging within me. But my body had had enough. The alarm bells were ringing. My system was on high alert. Anxiety loomed large, and I despaired at how I’d let myself get to this point.

And then came the Healer’s Shame.

“But what good is a healer who needs healing?” I asked.

Alexander’s response was immediate.
“The very best kind.”

Wait — what? Surely a healer who can’t heal themselves isn’t exactly a great advert for healing?

“The very best kind,” he reaffirmed, his voice now sterner — more fatherly.

“The best healers are the ones who know and understand how to heal — not because they’ve never been broken, but because they’ve listened to their own bodies and learned how to repair them. They’ve walked the path of healing themselves, and by doing so, they show others the way.

“The reason you haven’t healed yourself isn’t because you can’t — it’s because you’ve never truly given yourself the time and space to do so. You’ve been too busy doing other people’s healing — which is futile. Only they can heal themselves. And only you can heal yourself.

“Do you understand what happens when you hold space for someone? You don’t heal them. You draw down the energy they need so they can heal themselves. That’s the very meaning of holding space — offering tools and support, not promising a cure.”

Flabbergasted. That was the only word for it. I couldn’t argue — every word struck home like a compassionate but firm talking-to from a parent who loves you enough to tell you the truth.

My body is tired. And so is my soul. It’s time to give back to myself — to start a health journey that becomes ingrained, not just another temporary fix.

I’m posting this here to stay focused and accountable — and to share my journey as I learn to heal my own body. I’ll continue to update this post with my progress (and photos!) along the way.

It’s my firm belief that anything can be healed. The body always wants to move toward health — we just have to stop getting in our own way.

Yes, life in the 21st century is complicated. We’re bombarded with conflicting information: Eat this, don’t eat that. Do this, avoid that. Contradiction after contradiction.

But the divine — especially when it speaks this clearly — has never led me wrong. And I know it won’t start now.

I’m giving myself six months. I’ll check in after three months and keep you updated.

Consider me your guinea pig — here to show you that healing is not only possible… it’s inevitable when we finally choose ourselves.